


Liberty

by leeshur



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canon Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Levi/Eren Yeager, Fluff and Angst, Implied Relationship, M/M, Manga Spoilers, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 10:55:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13075392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leeshur/pseuds/leeshur
Summary: "It’s strange how that uncomfortably cloying feeling of being trapped has chased him across oceans, pursued him beyond the horizon, relentless in its zeal to remind him that he is and will always be a prisoner of his own destiny.He knows what he must do. There is no other alternative.With a steady heart, he shuts his unbandaged eye and remembers."--An exploration of Eren's psyche as he braces himself to commit an act that will undoubtedly change things for better or worse.





	Liberty

Sitting in the dingy basement of one of Liberio’s abandoned buildings, Eren can’t help but let out a small sigh as he watches Falco exit the room, leaving cheerful promises of being back soon in his wake. He’d been half tempted to tell the boy to wait as he watched him make the climb up the disused and half-rotten stairs, each step coaxing out ominous creaks from the old wood. Instead, he’d kept quiet and let him leave.

He’s come too far to back out now.

Restlessly rubbing at the nub of his amputated leg, he vainly tries to quell the discomfiting feeling that always follows the denial of his regenerative abilities. He’s almost used to the burn now, but sometimes it still manages to catch him off-guard and take his breath away. Part of him can still scarcely believe that he’s managed to wrest control of this ability at last. It used to be autonomous, an inherent part of him that anyone else would liken to breathing or blinking.

He thinks back to that day in the courtroom. He thinks of dislodged teeth and fractured bones healing within minutes.

So much has changed, yet the path he is on seems to have no end in sight.

‘Just a bit more.’ His mind grits out, and he steels himself with a determined nod.

Letting go of his leg, he leans back in his chair and stares up at the ceiling. Above the cracked and peeling paint, he can see that the surface is mottled with deep-set grime and mould. Even the air smells and tastes stagnant and starkly reminds him of the dungeons he’d resided in shortly after the Battle of Trost. It’s strange how that uncomfortably cloying feeling of being trapped has chased him across oceans, pursued him beyond the horizon, relentless in its zeal to remind him that he is and will always be a prisoner of his own destiny.

He knows what he must do. There is no other alternative.

With a steady heart, he shuts his unbandaged eye and remembers.

\--

They’d both gone to bed early that night, leaving the others to enjoy the final stretch of the party before the duty of the coming morning forced them to turn in for the night.

It was meant to be a farewell party, one that heralded Eren’s departure from Paradis to the mainland for his final mission. Of course, Armin had tactfully repurposed it into something less sombre. He transformed it into a gathering that would focus on celebrating the achievements and advancements that both the Survey Corps and humanity had made after the “victory” at Shiganshiga. Privately, Eren had scoffed at the notion of it being any kind of celebration; their successes had been paid for in enough blood to stain him for a thousand lifetimes, let alone the handful of years he still had left. The others, on-the-other-hand, had seemed to welcome any kind of reprieve or reason to get absolutely shitfaced, and who was Eren to get in the way of that after everything they’d sacrificed?

Eren had barely eaten or drank anything, despite Connie and Sasha’s best efforts to involve him in the festivities. Even Jean of all people had encouraged him to “Live a little.” Eren was sure he’d heard him follow-up with a muttered, “The rest of us besides Armin don’t have freaky healing powers and we’re _still_ fucking up our livers all the same, you miserable bastard.” but he wasn’t completely certain and knew Mikasa would’ve quickly intervened swiftly and painfully, - inebriation be damned - if he’d swung for Jean’s stupid horse-face.

Instead, he’d ignored him and quietly skulked out of the room, leaving the drunken singing and laughter behind. Feeling but not seeing Mikasa’s gaze on his back, he’d hastened his steps, hoping that she’d get the hint that he wanted to be left alone for now, even if it meant an interrogation later. Letting the silence of the Corps’ empty corridors wash over him, his steps against the cobblestone floors echoed slightly as he headed towards a vacant balcony before making his way outside.

If he were drunk, he’s certain the cool but sobering chill of the evening air would’ve felt wonderful, not dissimilar to a splash of cold water to the face. Instead, it only made him shiver slightly in his jacket. Crossing his arms across his chest, his hands clutched at his elbows as he hugged himself tightly. Inhaling and exhaling slowly in an attempt to rebalance himself, he couldn’t suppress the small frisson of delight that always shot through his body whenever he caught sight of the ocean after tasting the sea-salt flavoured air on his tongue.

He’d never get tired of it. There was just something so captivating about the ocean. The ebb and flow of the water against the shore. The sea foam that would manifest like magic before your eyes as the water churned and raged. The way the waves had sparkled as he capsized ship after ship. How the sea would swallow the sun at its horizon, taking his guilt and the dying remnants of day with it.

Beautiful, but terrifying; the sea was absolution.  

A small gust of wind caressed Eren’s face, gently tousling his already too-long hair. Leaning over the balcony’s stone barrier, he gazed at the numerous houses dotted around the area and smiled. He was unsurprised to see half-built homes now cropped up quite close to the shore, their silhouettes creeping along the moonlit sand.

After reclaiming the territories that had been taken over by the titans, humanity had steadily begun to repopulate areas once thought to be forever lost. New settlements that had sprouted up across the land flourished and prospered thanks to the newfound access to land replete with natural resources. In time, the former strain that had hung over society and the economy for years like miasma lifted. With the previous nobility no longer in power, the development of new technology was actively endorsed and encouraged by the new government and Queen Historia. It was a renaissance in the making.

The Survey Corps had also benefited. No longer were they the unit that was regarded as practically suicidal to join. Despite the sacrifices made at Shiganshiga by Erwin, its recruitment rates unexpectedly skyrocketed. The increased manpower meant that they were able to make great strides in exploring the lands past the walls, with Hanji and Armin’s careful guidance. In record time, they’d established numerous supply outposts and headquarters across the land. Unsurprisingly, civilians and traders had also accompanied them and settled in locations deemed ideal for sustaining human life and trade.

This area, within a stone’s throw to the ocean, was no different. It was not only tactically beneficial to station the main bulk of the military here, but the sea itself also housed an unprecedented variety of aquatic life, with most of it being edible.

‘And fucking delicious.’ Eren thought dreamily as his stomach growled slightly.  He’d never forget trying cooked lobster for the first time. They’d all been amazed when the shell’s hue had changed from murky blue to a vivid orange before their eyes as it boiled. Sasha, their self-appointed chef, had been practically insatiable once the portions – hers being the most generous - had been dished out.

Suffice it to say, the meal had been deemed a resounding success. Thanks to Sasha’s heartfelt endorsements to Historia, the growth of the fishing industry on Paradis soon followed.

“I thought I’d find you out here.” Eren, startled out of his reverie, turned at the sound of someone’s voice.

It was Levi, looking the same as always. Eren quirked a small smile at the man before lifting his hands up in mock-surrender.

“You got me.”

“Armin and Hanji were looking for you.”

“I just... wanted some time to myself. Needed some peace and quiet, y’know?” Lowering his hands, Eren turned back to the face the sea, shoulders drooping a little.

Levi hummed in understanding before moving to stand at Eren’s side. Peeking at Levi through his mop of hair, Eren watched as he braced his hands on the stone surface of the balcony’s barrier before staring out into the night.

“It never fucking ends, does it?”

“No.”

“It’s like one of those shits that goes on forever.”

Eren snorted out a laugh. “Yeah.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“My _shits_ or what?”

To Eren’s muted delight, that shocked a surprise chuckle out of Levi. “Whatever you want, you cheeky little shit.”

Behind his open amusement, Eren was unsure. Armin and Mikasa had unsuccessfully tried to coax him into confiding in them many times over the past few months as the deadline of his departure crept closer. Each time, he’d fobbed them off with some kind of excuse. Each time, he’d see the concern and hurt in their eyes as they eventually backed off and left him be.

In his heart of hearts, he knew that he needed to talk about this, lest he break down and end up ruining everything that Hanji and Armin had meticulously and painstakingly plotted out over the past few months.

Perhaps that was why he began to speak, even though he feared that once he started, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself.

“When I sunk those ships, I couldn’t help but wonder about how many people I killed. Were they good people? Did they even have a _choice_ in coming here? I’m not having doubts exactly… but I’m starting to understand how Annie, Bertolt and Reiner must have felt on that day. When they admitted to me that they’d brought the walls down, a small part of me couldn’t believe it even though everything they’d said made sense. I _hated_ them, called them murderers and swore, _swore_ that I‘d kill them.”

Eren paused, steadying himself before continuing, voice vehement. “I meant every word, but… I still kept hoping that everything was just a sick joke or dream, even as they kidnapped me. It was only after the battle at Shiganshiga, when I saw Bert for what he had become, that I realised that their motivations – whatever they were – for murdering thousands of innocents must have been serious and beyond anything we could have imagined.

What exactly are we fighting, Levi? What kind of enemy would allow children to coat their hands in blood? What cause _justifies_ that? Does any? I just… couldn’t understand how they could lie to our faces like that. How they were able to deceive us for so long. Now I’m going to do the same thing. I’m no better than them, am I?”

Chest heaving with exertion, he clenched his fists hard, cognizant of the pain and crescent-shaped marks blooming on the inner skin of his palms but uncaring. They’d disappear soon enough.

He flinched a little at the feeling of a hand resting on the small of his back. Slowly but surely, it snaked around the width of his body before resting at his waist. Leaning into Levi’s embrace, Eren relaxed his fists as he tried to steady his breathing.

Granting him a few moments to compose himself, Levi was silent before giving Eren a small squeeze.

“This world we live in is cruel, Eren. I’m not Erwin or even Armin, I can’t think like them. But… even I know that this war we’re in isn’t over. A lot more blood’s going to be spilled, whether we want it to or not.”

Voice solemn, he paused, fingers tapping staccato against the thin material of Eren's jacket.

“Our comrades gave up their lives in the pursuit of freedom. While the titans may no longer be a threat, I honestly don’t think we’ll ever be truly free until we learn more about our enemies that are across the ocean you love so much.”

“I don’t want to kill innocent people.” Eren whispered, through his fear and shame.

Gently dropping his hand from Eren’s waist, Levi sighed slightly with patient exasperation. Instead of replying immediately, he slipped the cool fingers of his hand in-between Eren’s unnaturally warm ones. Pulling slightly, he urged the young man away from the balcony and its luring view of the unforgiving sea.

“We’ve been killing them from the start, Eren.

 We just didn’t know.”

\--

Still feeling the ghostly memory of familiar fingers entwined with his own, Eren opens his eye and sighs again, resigned. He is across the sea, practically alone in a land full of strangers, enemies and former friends. He is living on borrowed time, and there is no guarantee that this plan will even work.

The blade of the knife slides easily against the soft flesh of his palm. As small beads of blood begin to bloom at the surface of the cut, he feels the familiar burn.

He has no choice but to advance.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe how much Eren has grown as an individual. Just seeing his character growth compelled me to sit down and write this.
> 
> Also... wow, I just realised I haven't written anything for this fandom in years.   
> Please ignore the fact that I have two unfinished fics still waiting for updates~ ・:*(〃∇〃人)*:・


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